Saturday, July 16, 2016

a new day

When hurt and confusion take up permanent residence, life stands still. It has been 5 years since I have regularly attended church. Tomorrow  I am going back, to the church I left a little over six years ago. To a church I love, with good teaching and good fellowship. I am a little apprehensive - not because I don't love the Lord, or his people, but rather I don't know about myself.

You see after we moved, so many things changed. A new home, city, people and church. I attended a few churches, but felt like I was shopping for a new car, not fellowship. So I waited... and waited. I couldn't figure out why I was so reluctant to return. To find a place and feel at home. So I continued to wait. Slowly, over time I began to see that I was exhausted. I was tired of feeling ugly inside and projecting happiness outside.

I confess, this was nothing imposed by the people or the churches that I attended. No, it was self imposed. I didn't want people to think less of me, to question my faith. Because I have never felt the need to leave my Lord. But day in and day out, so many people enter the doors broken, yet never want others to know our true-selves. Trust me I know, because I have done it more time than I can count. But you know what I am a sinner, through and though. I will be- until the day I meet Him face to face. We are constantly looking for those outside the wall of the church, those we can see and identify a need- a need that we can meet. Yet, we look past those that sit next to us, those who are in need. Those that are in the middle of crisis, failing marriages, drug addictions, and trapped by destructive habits. We know each other on a surface level, yet never go beyond. We are comfortable there, we have little to be accountable for. We are hollow shells that fill the pews, we praise, we amen, and we go home... and wait... for next Sunday.

I know not everyone is complacent, but I believe there are many more than we care to admit. We are called to serve our neighbor, and that starts in the home, with those that are closest to us and then to our extended families. What would the church look like if it were full of true sinners, that were open and honest? How many more would enter without fear of judgement? How many more would find Gods mercy and grace? I don't know... but tomorrow is a new day and that is where I will start.